insert sappy yet prophetic title
by SpiffySwanky
Summary: In which Lily is Perfect!, James is a Toerag!, Sirius is Hot!, Remus is Sensitive!, Peter is Ignored! and the Mary Sue's are plenty


I've been meaning to write a Lily/James parody for a while so naturally wrote one when I was meant to study

Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. Only the characters you don't recognise, though they can hardly be called original

Lily Evans narrowly missed the train, just to prove that this gifted, perfect, nicer then nice Head Girl almost made mistakes.

Almost, that is. No need to get carried away.

After Lily arrived on the train she glided down the corridors of the steam engine, thinking she would pop in on her friends before heading to the prefects compartment.

She entered a compartment in which sat two girls of such dazzling beauty, that no one could compare…except for Lily because this story is about her and no one is prettier then her.

Sitting near the window was Giselle Maryfeather Bluebell Tisdale Jonas. She was breathtaking. She was a very hip witch, having three famous musical brothers and being a gifted singer herself. Therefore she always carried around a pink I-Pod, drum sticks, a guitar pick and for some reason a recorder. Giselle didn't care what anyone thought of her, but only in the 'I want to appear non conformist and quirky so I will construct my image in such a way that everyone will think I don't care' way. She was hardcore. Because of her unique charm and pink hair all of the boys wanted her, because this is after all what was valued in such a superficial society. Giselle was quite loud and opinionated, which made her the perfect counterpart for Sirius Black, who will be described in great, adjective filled detail later.

Near the other window sat Lily's other best friend, Ophelia Sunswept Hannah Montana Lilac. Ophelia, or Heli for short (continuing the well established tradition of horrible nicknames for Mary Sue's) was just as beautiful as Giselle, though of course in a completely different way because Lily's friend's must have really original personalities. Heli had perfect sun-kissed blond hair, curling in cute coils at the middle of her back. She had big round blue eyes, that stared prettily from beneath long eyelashes. In short she looked, walked and talked just like Barbie. Like Giselle, all the boys wanted her.

You may be mistaken for thinking that Giselle and Ophelia were the best looking girls ever to grace the halls of Hogwarts. WRONG. Lily was by and far the most breathtaking, stunning, gorgeous, amazing girl in the whole entire world. She had smooth, wavy yet manageable, styled, deep red, fiery hair. She had large, almond shaped, dazzling, bright, emerald green, fiery eyes. She had creamy, flawless, fiery skin (it does not matter at all that skin can probably not be fiery, because Lily is FIERY). She had the sort of curves that drove the boys crazy and luscious lips that they all wanted to kiss. And Lily was so very beautiful that even she didn't realise it. She was so modest and kind that she strolled around the school helping first years find their way and cleaning the castle for Filch. That's just the kind of girl Lily Evans was. Everybody loved her.

'Lily!!' shrieked Ophelia, realising Lily was there after that very long description, in which they all stood around doing nothing. She stood up and wrapped her arms around Lily in a bone-crunching hug that knocked the wind out of her.

Once Lily had regained said wind she beamed at her friend. 'Heli!!' she said 'I'm sorry I didn't write, my evil sister locked me in the basement and cooked my owl so I couldn't possibly contact you' After she said this Lily sighed a little, because she had such a traumatising home life.

'Oh, I figured it would be something like that' said Ophelia brightly

'Alright there, Lil?' said Giselle from where she was lounging, because Giselle is the cool non-conformist and too much joy or emotion is so mainstream (this will contrast largely with her personality later, when she is giggly, hyper and girly)

'Hey Elle' smiled Lily, in that pretty way of hers. 'How was your summer?'

'Good' said Giselle (Now given the nickname of Elle because it makes them all seem like they have a closer bond) 'I went on a cruise with Miley Cyrus, taught Rhianna how to dance and designed Beyonce's wedding dress'

Oh, yes. Giselle was defiantly hip. (Note that it does not matter that Lily and her friends would in no way have been alive when these people were around….the author does not need to care about these things, as the perfect Mary Sue's are just like her)

'Wow, you're lucky' said Ophelia, envying Giselle's life because she herself only had 38 maids, 87 bedrooms, 18 Hippogriffs, 8 permanent ice sculptures of herself and 5 horse drawn carriages. Oh, to be poor

Lily grew quiet during the conversation because no one knew that she was not rich or lucky at all…but lived in a thatched hut at the back of her family's mansion and spent her days cooking for them before eating scraps out of the bin, wearing a hessian sack and tissue box shoes. (Never mind the fact that Lily goes to an elite expensive boarding school, has impeccable clothes, hair and hygiene and always has money and a cheery disposition….SHE HAS A HORRIBLE LIFE, OKAY??)

This charming scene is interrupted by the compartment door opening, to display four boys standing outside (for no particular reason at all. They are just standing there)

These boys are the absolute coolest people in the school. No one can top them. This is largely to do with the most popular members, James Potter and Sirius Black. Even though they were bullying, arrogant, superior, womanising cads everyone loved them.

James was incredibly handsome. He had messy, sticking up hair that always stuck up and was always messy yet did not make him look like a feral, but gave him a windswept, mischievous look. He will ruffle his hair 201 times before the chapter is out. James had beautiful eyes, that were deep pools of soulful, gooey, deep chocolate. Girls just melted in them. He was buff from all his quidditch playing but not nearly as buff as Sirius as that is never allowed. James had loved Lily ever since he was eleven and had been way to young to know what love was. He was entranced by her beauty and her beautiful soul, even though she was constantly telling him what scum he was. He was obsessive and had asked her out 595 times. We know this because Sirius kept a tally in the little notebook he carried around (something all 17 year old boys do, surely)

Sirius was the stud of Hogwarts. And he was also incredibly stupid. He said idiotic things and slept with lots of woman. He was also hyper, giggly, immoral and annoying. Except for the moments when he would appear deep, tragic and loyal. Sirius had dark hair like James, but more manageable and model like because he was the stud. He had stormy grey eyes that were stormy and a perfectly chiselled chest.

Remus Lupin was also their friend. He had sandy brown hair and sandy brown eyes. He was quiet, sensitive and liked books and chocolate. Even though Remus is a incredibly important character this will be all that is said about him for now, for he is not Sexy! like Sirius or Mischievous! like James.

Next there was Peter Pettigrew. He was chubby, blond, badly dressed and always eating. That is as much detail that will be mentioned about Peter, even though he is one forth of the Marauders.

Back to the story

The boys sat down in the compartment and said various things to annoy the girls. Except Remus who was sweet and Peter who was stupid.

James asked Lily to marry him and Sirius leered at the girls, being both sexy and disgusting at the same time.

'JAMES POTTER, YOU ARE AN ARROGENT, BULLYING, TOERAG! TAKE YOUR FRIENDS AND GET OUT' Lily yelled, losing her composure completely and utterly (This is overlooked, because Lily is perfect and is the best choice to lead the school)

The boys leave but not before revealing to Lily that James is Head Boy.

Lily screams and faints a bit before getting off the train with her friends.

Insert ominous line about how there will be many more surprises that year.

AN: So let me know how that turned out. I had fun writing it but have no idea if it turned out alright

Ta xoxox


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